Not long afterwards, Jeremiah the Qweynt challenged Boris son of John to another Ordeal of the Stools but that was not the least of his worries. That night, the Watch were called to the dwelling that Boris shared with his latest concubine, a woman who, in the estimation of all, must have been unusually broad-minded. Neighbours had heard a great dispute between this woman and Boris, whom she was heard repeatedly telling to leave. Boris had refused, to the confusion of all, for one of his many battle-cries had been ‘leave means leave’ and so this ‘Borexit’, as one might have called it, did not come to pass. It was said that the last straw had been when Boris had taken to driving a bright red cart around the dwelling with a mysterious slogan written on the side, saying: We watch foreign drama every week: Let’s watch Casualty instead! Take Back Control of the Remote!’

The same day, one of the lesser bastards had been the subject of great uproar after he assaulted a woman who had protested against the Apocalypse at a great feast that he was attending along with a great many rich men. It was said that the chief matter for discussion was how to widen the eyes of needles or, alternatively, shrink camels. The same day too another lesser bastard was dismissed from his office for corruption and embezzlement. Yet that day he was only the third most scandalous of the Right Bastards. That was how matters stood with that faction.