No sooner had Boris, the son of John, assembled a government, then his forces suffered a defeat in a battle at Radnor. The opponents of the rebellion against the Western Empire joined forces and narrowly beat the forces of the Right Bastards, who were led by the man who had earlier been dismissed for his corrupt behaviour, as I have already told you. The battle might have been won by the Right Bastards had not the contingent of Count Nigellus the Fool not recruited some of their followers and been bumbling off to one side. As it was, this rendered the control of the palace by the faction of the Right Bastards even weaker than it had been.

As has been set out earlier in my Histories, Boris had set about governing the palace with great enthusiasm but little attention to detail. Now it devoted all of its theological attention to preparing for a No Deal apocalypse. This was a heresy of the worst sort and even the most foolish of men ought to have been able to see through its wicked lies and scriptural distortions, which many laid at the door of Dominicus of Comminges. According to Boris and his congeries of rascally counts of the palace, a No Deal apocalypse was to be welcomed as it would result in the salvation of the entire realm of the Angles, Saxons, Picts and Scots and its ascension to a state of being like only unto a new heavenly kingdom.

The difficulties which many saw clearly in the scriptures and the writings of learned exegetes were dismissed by Boris and his cohorts as the work of demonically-inspired tricksters, attempting only to talk the kingdom away from the path of righteousness. What was more, said Javid Cicero the cancellarius, the apocalypse would in fact bring untold new investment in the land, for there would be considerable new opportunities for Babylon-based sex-workers and, it was predicted, a fourfold increase in the activities of horse-borne disaster-capitalists which would nevertheless be the envy of the Alamannic cart industry and bring joy to all through a trickle-down effect. Meanwhile, Count Dominicus the Cosmographer and Elizabeth of the Truss consulted scripture and foretold lucrative trade deals with the seven churches of Asia Minor that would raise the minimum wage to “Two pounds of wheat for a day’s wages, and six pounds of barley for a day’s wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!” And Pritigund spoke to the council of the realm saying that although a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language would be desperate to get into the new realm, immigration would be limited to 144,000, according to some sort of points system.

Oh woe to this pernicious people. They have become, in the words of the prophet, a foolish people, and without understanding; which have eyes, and see not; which have ears, and hear not. Learned men across the land spoke out and tweeted far and wide and set out many a comment and sarcastic meme on the Liber Vultus. These prophets spoke truth about the twisting of scripture and how, it would be less of a trickle-down effect and more of a deluge. When they heard these wise words, Dominicus of Comminges instructed Boris and his allies to say repeatedly that the No Deal Apocalypse was the fault of the sins and stubbornness of the Western Empire. And again, those who were wise to the tares of the devil asked how it was possible that the rebellion against the Western Empire should be such a great thing if it produced a No Deal Apocalypse which – in the words of Boris and the others – would be a time of plenty and benefits for all, and yet was also the fault of the Western Empire. But, for their sins, the people did not heed these wise words because a new season of Insula Amoris had come on, and soon it would be time for the annual festival of Venite Saltantes Stricte!