At last Donald, Dux of the Aremoricans, completed his voyage and arrived in the Kingdom of the Angles, Saxons, Britons, Picts and Scots. Before he came ashore he made a pronouncement declaring that Saddic, Mayor of London, was a short man. Many marvelled at his insight, for this Saddic was indeed a short man. But…

It tires me to relate all the troubles that befell the peoples and kingdom of the Angles, Saxons, Britons, Picts and Scots. If I had a thousand mouths with a thousand tongues I could not relate all their tribulations. So it is high time I told you how matters stood in the kingdom of the…

At this time a certain man who lived near the shrine of St Ivo the Persian was plagued by the furtive actions of a thief. This thief would take the milk that was brought to the man’s house each day. O thief! Have you not milk of your own? Are your stores not replete with…

The visit of Donald Dux to the Kingdom of the Angles, Saxons, Britons, Picts and Scots, about which I have already told you, came ever closer. As was his custom, Donald made a great pronouncement, in which he said that the kingdom should make Boris, Son of John, the new Mayor of the Palace and…

In London a great commotion was caused by the rumour of a visit to the kingdom by the ruler of the Aremoricans. It had happened that the Aremoricans had chosen for their leader a jester called Donald. Donald was like a new Zercon, Attila’s jester, about whom the learned Priscus tells us. He wandered about…

The next person to put themself forward for the title of Mayor the Palace was the Count Palatine Javid. This Javid was known as ‘Cicero’ not, alas, for his rhetorical prowess but because his head was shaped like a chickpea. He promised to employ twenty thousand more watchmen if he became Mayor but some pointed…

While all this plotting was happening, in the civitas of Gloucester another strange thing occurred. The pagans of those parts gather each year and roll a large cheese down a hill. Then they set off in a run down the hill after the cheese as it bounces this way and that. Many are injured. I…

In the kingdom of the Angles, Saxons, Britons, Picts and Scots, the Mayoress of the Palace, Theresa the Stubborn, announced with much weeping that she would retire to a nunnery at the end of June. In those regions the next Mayor of the Palace is chosen by a vote of the elders with blue hair.…

In the civitas of Gloucester a nun and a monk travelled together in a vehicle which ran into a labourer’s cart near a place called a ‘skatepark’ in the local tongue. Miraculously none was injured but let that be a lesson to all that religious should stay within the bounds of their monasteries and not…

I must return to my History. In the Kingdom of the Angles, Count Nigellus, whom some called ‘the Fool’, travelled to the north to rally support for his rebellion. As he strolled down the public street, making idle chatter and looking this way and that, a man stepped forward from the crowd and threw a…