Gregorius Turonensis: Historian and Political Commentator

In the County of Lancaster the inhabitants of a vicus smelled a terrible odour. Some claimed that this came from rubbish pit but those who are wise in these matters realised that such a smell could only come from the Prince of Crime. https://www.wigantoday.net/news/furious-residents-demand-action-over-stench-coming-from-recycling-site-1-9775086/amp?fbclid=IwAR0NYEg3lgVTcb931bbQO8ew6iGqvVNeyF2dVo1to-InaN8hTEbDkAOnLO0

At that time the men of Tours fought against the men of Cholet but it all came to nothing.

In the city of Bristol an alchemist-apothecary thought that the writing of History – a task of which I am unworthy – was easily done. Many learned people mocked him for his presumption but that is enough about rashness.

In the city of Clacton a blue cat was seen. This was after a fire descended from the sky. The people in those parts are unable to conjugate the verb ‘to be’ but let that be enough of coarse rusticity.

While the rulers of the Angles, Saxons, Britons, Picts, and Scots continued to squabble among themselves, in the province of Northern Hibernia a family home was possessed by a demon who left a great stench of fumes. Yet, instead of asking for help from the saints of God – or some sort of fumigation which…

While these things were happening, in the city of York, a hole opened in the public street, big enough for a grown man to sit in. Some thought it a gate to Hell but those who were less rustic saw through this inane prattle. Not long afterwards a similar hole was seen in the County…